Beads and Broken Hearts

No matter where you are in the world
or where you're going next.
You move, and country hop
with memories around your neck.

A beaded necklace 
A single bead for everyone you've loved and left.

Goodbyes are the moments that everyone dreads.
We pour ourselves into others,
and then wish for the best.

No matter where you are in the world,
no matter where you go.
You've left behind 'what ifs' and 'why not's'
and now you'll never know.

Some Days’ Everyday

The sun rose and so did she. he weather much better than he rotten mood she was in.

She contemplated getting up, instead she rolled over, shut her eyes and wished that…

…by the next time she awakens; reality would have reformed somehow.

Shades of Strength

After days of being forced to become one with darkness

Returning into the light proves weakening

Fears are empowered by darkness

But I am motivated by light

Let me kill the blindness I carry within

And spread my firefly studded wings

Inner Sight – Insight

Shards of glass spiraling towards me like Shurikens

And now,

Though one eye ceases to see,

More than ever before,

I can see more clearly.

Poetry, maybe?

One day, I encounter a soul unlike mine; a face sent from above with emerald eyes that glow. I found a sweet sense of serenity and a voice so divine. A body that’s perfect when intertwined with mine.

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You meet them, get know them and their little quirks too. Learn to love them, for all the dumb shit they tend to do. You get accustomed to the feelings, the happiness they bring. The joy they cause with as little as nothing. It’s their presence that you long for, to know that they are there.

You’ve felt the butterflies, the joyful cries and for a moment a feeling that you could survive. The little things they say, the way they treat you, that doesn’t change from day to day. How can you want anything less than to be with them?

Well, you cannot want anything of the sort. You are restricted, confined.

You don’t care though, even if you see the words ‘beware ahead’ underlined?

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If you do or you don’t, you run the risk of ruining something that is far more broken than you can see. Do you see?

The Dabbler.

Love? Love. Love!

Those who said that love makes the world go round were not lying. Love comes in many different forms, different levels, intensities; different beings; animals, strangers, lovers, family. Love is such a complex theory combining emotions, thoughts, actions and everything in between.

When we love, we open up, like blossoming flowers.. except it is less about the prettiness and more about the willingness: willingness to grow.. We sacrifice, prioritise, sympathise and cooperate. We forgive, forget, understand and move on.

When you love, you love with yourself, your soul, and your thoughts.

Or at least, that is how I love.

When you live, you live as one with those you love.

Or at least, that is how I live.

You see one another in a light that no one else could understand: a light that you need not want anyone one else to see.

You cannot see your life sans this person and you know that they feel the same. You know that you and those you love share a bond that keeps you close even when you’re apart. You know that in someone you love you’ve got a crime-fighting partner.

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Love is getting mad, but never giving up.

Feeling hurt, but looking around to see the damage we cause ourselves.

Love is feeling, a rush of emotions that surge at points when you see your lover do something in their most natural state and it drives you insane. (The good kind!)

Love is the drive you have towards something you crave.

Love is when you have had enough but stay for more.

Love is the passion that keeps our world rotating.

What is love but a whirlwind of clarity and confusion that shakes your life to the ground and builds it back up in ways unfathomable?

It knocks your life off course and replaces all that it’s taken with more than you may have wished for.

BUT..

Could you be loved by someone who will, in time, love another?

Could you love someone whose love for you will evaporate, and leave you dried out?

Can you savor a love you know will not last? Cherish memories that will become your darkest past?

How can you fall in love with a being, a soul of gold with whom you envision in your future of treasures untold?

Why would you grow with another, make them your ‘other,’ your partner, your lover, if only just to watch them turn their back on you for some f******?

Can we be loved by a love non-existent? I don’t even know where to begin to look for answers. 

Who are we really if we are not more than a temporary transition phase?

The Thoughts That Jar

I’m not feeling too hot. I’ve been off my game lately, that and getting myself into shit doesn’t help aggravating the already jarring thoughts that are in my head.

I don’t know what is going on with me – even at work. Usually, towards the end of each working year, I feel a little blah, okay, a lot blah. However, it is too early for me to feel this way, even if I am letting shit hit the fan.

I’m usually conscientious, but I couldn’t give less f***s than I do now. I should care, my salary is why I have managed to keep a roof over my head lately. Have I just fallen into some sort of rut, maybe? It might be worse than that, I could be struggling with depression. I do not know. What I am aware of though is that I need to figure out what is going on. I also need to do that soon; before I end up paying the price (though I’m not talking about money, it will sure hurt more than if it were money on the table.)

I am letting myself slip, I feel like I’ve been holding on to the edge of a cliff for so long my arms have gotten numb and my heart so weary. The funny thing is, logically speaking, I don’t have much reason to feel that way. I am not unluckier than many of the humans in this world. I am to a large extent healthy, pretty on the inside and out (even if that is dependent on views that aren’t my own.) Struggling not suffering: hurting not damaged.

I need to pick myself up, because that is what we do.. power though another day. So I’ll go and waste hours doing things I’ll regret doing instead of what I should have really been paying attention to. And no, I’m not talking about myself. Though maybe in the larger sense I should be.. seen as all actions are related and helping others might help me. I don’t know.

As I write this, two people who mean a lot to me just crossed my mind. They have both said things to me, that have at this moment, made me feel less inclined to vent and more inclined to do this:

 

10 THINGS I’M GRATEFUL FOR TODAY

(in no particular order)

• A beating heart
• The people I’ve met in my life who have hurt me
• Mother
• Music
• The little moments that make you smile
• Dreaming
• Good food
• People who put up with me
• My semi-healthy body
• oh, and Red Bull

Let there be ART!

A Dabbler’s Art

The Dabbler has uploaded a new page..

Would like to invite you to come have a look at the artwork I’ve recently uploaded. Just click the link above and.. Voila!

This Is Who You Are In 2019… Regardless Of Your Horoscope

Favourable experiences bring us happiness, unfavourable ones bring about sadness. However, both alike, provide clarity and a lesson learned.

We all feel lost sometimes, we all feel weak sometimes (I personally have been feeling a little less than adequate recently,) and sometimes we all need a reminder of just how special and amazing we are.

*This is the first of monthly post son this topic series.

1- You are FREE!

The Guardian interviewed an Australian nurse who had recorded her patients’ dying epiphanies. The most voiced regret amongst those on their deathbeds was them wishing to have lived their own life. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Never make a choice that will take you away from your inner desires, biggest dreams and endless opportunities. As Natasha Bedingfield once sang “Live your life with arms wide open.”

2- You are AMAZING!

I have trouble remembering that I am, sometimes. I find that with all the conflict, stress and misfortune I come across on a daily basis – It is easier to blame my personality for how others react. I blame my failed experiences on my character. That’s not a fair thing to do. It’s not for me to dampen my soul because I can always seem to find a reason to use in favour of why a boyfriend would leave, a friend would give up, an interviewer would decline me and the list goes on..

Now I’m not denying that I, we, all have room for improvement. I am however, promoting the idea that we are already masterpieces of our own creation… just in need of new frames.

I’m assuming that someone else out there feels the same way sometimes.

So to everyone out there reading: The moment your self-esteem becomes shattered by the words which were uttered by those who don’t love you; think of the words repeated by those who do. You are amazing, incredible, with your flaws and your issues. You are precious with your genuine smile and quirky laugh. 

Remember that, “You’re amazing, just the way you are.” Yes! Bruno Mars.

I hope you’ve enjoyed January’s reminders. Each month, I’ll post two reminders. I have hope that we will nourish our inner heroes on this journey together.

 

February’s reminder titles:

• You’re Not Alone
• Your Specialty

 

Love,

The + In The –

There I was, getting into bed, thinking to myself that I’ve had a long enough day already. Sleep was the only thing on my mind, until I started contemplating posting something. “Do it tomorrow instead of today,” said that little voice inside my head. It continued, “Heater is on, bed is warm, tomorrow is only a few hours away.”

Yet, I felt guilty about giving up on the part of me who wants to see something through for once. I listened to my more hopeful and definitely less lazy inner voice, it made me feel guilty for almost giving up before even starting. My message to myself, and to you today would be…

Try not to complicate things, I thought I’d have trouble writing and waste time just thinking. The thought of how much trouble it might be for me to glare (as one does) at a brightly lit screen in a pitch black room was unpleasant until that positive inner voice gave me another nudge. “Just a little one, like yesterday.”

Now, however, that I am here and already typing I can safely say I am proud of little ol’ me for overcoming what I could have easily given into. My negative thoughts. Moreover, I’ve learned a lesson in the process…

So just to put this out there, to you who has stumbled upon this post. Don’t let the thoughts that are fleeting or fears of the unknown define you, restrict you or scare you out of doing something, anything you want to do. Chances are, the moment you take that first step, you’ll forget everything and enjoy the moment, that long lasting, self-defining moment. The passion that led you to wanting whatever it is that you seek will be the key to demolishing your negative thoughts. Feed on it, use it, let it become you.

As moments pass, faster than you thought, and as things come to end… the drive might settle, but just for a while. And until you go back to that place again, you’ll be left with the sweetest aftertaste of your victory!

Love,

Welcome Back Note to Self

I was going to write in a book and call it a diary, but remembered that I made this account a while ago (and barely used it,) so here I am, making use of it now. After all, it is a new year, so here is to making another resolution that won’t be kept.

It has been a long day and I am about to sleep. So I’ll make this post a short one.

You’re doing a great job by putting your phone aside, getting your thoughts in line and deciding to do something healthy. Even if you’re the only one who ends up benefiting, don’t give up on yourself!

See you tomorrow!

First Blog Post: The Metaphorical Backing Track

This is my very first post, I have even left the title the same. I was like, well this is a nice way to introduce things. Now, what things do I want to introduce, myself maybe?

Well, I am the girl, the girl with the white headphones. I became ‘her’ when I was living in London a few years back. I spent a lot of time saving up for these awesome Dr. Dre Beats that I’d had my eye on for a while – which are now broken (as is almost everything I own.) Anyway, after the first time I’d wrapped those beautiful, shiny, white, cushion-y noise-cancelling headphones around my neck, I couldn’t take them off, (unless of course I was showering, or sleeping – and even then, not always.) Side story: (side note: I get sidetracked a lot, something you ought to know!) Once, I was on holiday with friends and ended up in a room with a snorer. I couldn’t sleep, so I tried what most people would at first and covered my ears by folding the pillow around my head; that failed, I could feel my weak arm straining to keep the pillow from bouncing back to its normal position. I realised that my headphones would be the one thing that could keep going until the morning sun would creep in and wake me up. I reached out and grabbed my headphones, put them on and played some music. I slept happily ever after. So back to how I got my name: I used to work at two different places on the same road where my flat was. I was well-known to the people of the community, some were my friends (who obviously knew my name) and others refered to me as ‘the girl with the white headphones.’ It stuck, and ever since then that has been my own disguise, and if superheros were a reality – I would be the one who would find a way to fight back with music! (but also maybe use them as a boomerang? cause well, you know as superheroes, we all need a kick-ass gadget for protection.)

Just like a musical playlist on shuffle, my blog will not be composed of posts that all follow the same rhythm.

Now that that’s over, let me tell you what I am doing here. I am here to share my stories, express some ideas, shed some feelings, advise, entertain, and hopefully help. Help, how / why? well because everything we do anyway has some consequence and effect on others (regardless of whether we know these results or not.) I have decided to contrive my consequences into positive ones. You might find that you relate to something I’ve written, you may find an answer you were looking for, you might just want to come and entertain yourself, hopefully my writing can do that for you.

I have experienced a lot in life; been through many metaphorical tunnels, and been on many metaphorical rollercoasters. This might be why, ever since I was younger, I was the person people came to for advice. I have always been lucky enough to be trusted by them, to have my opinions be regarded as solutions. I hope that one day, my readers and I can build relationships, that I can directly help with a dire problem or passing frustration.

I’ve met people, liked them, disliked them, listened to them, analysed them, respected them, understood them, loved them, lost them and now I am here to write about them.

 

Queen Of The Night

A flower stays put, naturally fixed in ground.

It grows in its place; it blossoms,

though with every visitor, reconstruction is undergone.

Every visitant leaves an imprint on this bloom,

Every visitant leaves while taking something no longer existent.

A flower needs protection, be it in the wild

or on a cracked window sill in the crowded streets of a mountain village.

This flower needs nurture. This flower needs love.

No flower can be a sight for sore eyes when its stem is weak enough to break.

Don’t pick the little flower, don’t love it enough to let it die.

Keep it where it needs to be, but make the effort and its beauty will amplify.

The rare ones are coveted but its only the lucky few who are found by the kindest souls.

This flower was lucky enough, found by a stranger who saw the beauty in her withering leaves and her curved up stem.

He became the light her soul craved,

the water she soaked up,

the fresh air that sway her to and fro.

He treated her like a “Queen of the Night”,

which she was.

Comfort Zone – Kill It!

This is definitely worth reading.

Be Inspired..!!

Sometimes stepping out of one’s comfort zone can amount to a huge phase shift in life, like taking a new job or starting a relationship. Other times the act can be as simple as forgoing a daily routine to do something new and different like socializing with coworkers after hours or finally taking the step to cook more at home.

Whatever the case may be, stepping outside of one’s comfort zone is usually a healthy and rewarding experience. But it is really scary at the same time. Here are a few tips for positive thinking when anxiety and fear hit you. 

1. Mix – Mix with positive people. Positivity is infectious. So if you want to catch it, spend more time with positive people. Negativity is infectious too, so try to avoid pessimists or wingers. 
2. Change – Accept Change. Come to terms with the fact that change is a positive thing. Don’t…

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